Te Amo

5 years hasn’t felt very long, we’ve had some weeks and months that have actually felt longer.

Every day I look at you, Caleb, and I realize you were sent to me and that not much has changed about you from the moment I saw you on the sonogram screen. I’d never had one of those before and I was able to identify right away that you were a boy. When I sat up and looked closely at the screen I remember saying, “Is he upside down?” Just a little upside gummy bear is what I saw. The midwife laughed and said “well we can’t determine the sex so early but it’s definitely upside down.” Right away I looked at Gemma and said “God help me, I’m having a little bad ass boy!” LOL I wanted a boy. I prayed for a boy. I knew right away you’d be jumping off furniture and bouncing off the walls and as the Big 5 rolls up on us you are doing all of those things now more than ever!! In fact just this week you’ve turned our living room into your own Ninja Warrior obstacle course exclaiming every minute “Welcome to Baby Ninja Warrior Kids!”

Fetus Ninja Warrior

I was wrong about the bad part though, nothing about you is bad at all, not from a single hair on your head to your little brown feet. You are pure unfiltered goodness and I pray every day that you can stay that way in a world that has stacked the odds against you. You are, however, still doing things your way and on your own time. (Preferably upside down..lol) You are determined and stubborn. You are brilliant and bright. You have a light that shines through from that beautiful smile that no one will ever be able to deny. They will try to for sure and maybe even attempt to dim it but don’t let them. You never ever dim that shine Caleb, it will lead you to your purpose and hopefully your passion. It will light the way for others around you who need it and don’t know how to use their own, but that’s ok, because that’s all a part of being kind.

I hope you also remain stubborn. It will probably cause us to bump heads while you’re growing up but I never want you to lose that. While I am with you, reserve some of that and save it for later, I will never steer your wrong but when I’m gone you will need it. You will need it to fight and advocate for yourself. Hold firm to what you know you can do, don’t relinquish control of what you want. You have my permission to kick and scream like you do now to protect your joy and peace at all costs.

This 5th revolution around the sun has been one for the books, you will not remember any of what’s happening outside of your little world and for that I’m grateful. I hope the grown ups around you and of this time can manage to fix some things before you ever have to know about it. I’m definitely trying to do my part. I’m trying, somehow, to do my little part in making this world nicer and safer for you. It is not easy though, in fact, it’s much like your ninja warrior set up with obstacles at each turn but slowly but surely progress is being made. Everything I do is to make you proud.

My tiny best friend, my son shine, my Bear Cub….you’re growing so fast, so funny, so compassionate. You work hard every day to work through so many emotions and feelings. There are so many little things that others take for granted that you have to really put your mind to in order to achieve, sometimes I wish I could take those daily struggles away, and yet other days I see how that fight has made you into the little brilliant boy that you are. You are a master at some many things. Your ear for music and your curiosity of different languages are skills I hope you keep. I don’t have any expectations of what your future should or could be, I am only here to guide you along the way and I’m so very excited about our journey.

Te Amo Caleb Ashton, Te Amo mucho. -Mama

Our gorgeous photographs were done by jennifer alyssa photography

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