To my Caleb:

We made it to 4 baby boy!! It is always my honor and privilege to be your mama for each revolution around the sun but let’s be honest…it’s also been hard as heck and the most challenging thing I’ve ever had to do. (You know they didn’t give mama any instructions when they sent me home with you) Lucky for you though you’ve chosen a mama who doesn’t shy away from challenges and I think you’ve learned that already. In fact, you’ve got a lot of that in you already too.

You really showed autism who was boss this last year. You’ve grown so much socially and developmentally. We know you have more work to do and you work so hard every day with so many different people trying to show you the ways of the world. Sometimes I watch you at night and think about how exhausted you must be. So many things going on in that brain, so many lessons and tasks you’re expected to remember and learn, it’s no wonder you talk in your sleep. Yet every morning you still wake up with a smile, “Hello Maman!” (my favorite words) ready and excited to start a new day. Ready and excited to see “teachers” and “friends”; just ready to face every challenge head on. You strolled into your first year of pre-k reserved and cautious and came through the other side a confident little chatter box. You persevered and even got an award to prove it!

You never cease to amaze me, especially when you make up your mind in 5 short days that you would master potty training. Most days I laugh and think that even if they had a child instruction manual it wouldn’t apply to you anyway. LOL You’re so silly and funny. You’re exclamations of “OH MY GOODNEST!” make me laugh every time. Your version of hide-n-seek that involves no hiding at all. We have the best times laughing with each other. You’ve really tapped into that imagination this year, making up your own stories and narratives. 

My sweet boy, you are also the most determined and brave person I know. You walk into new surroundings always with your head held high despite your language delay and your difficulty communicating your needs. You never let that stop you! Just a few weeks ago summer school started and you walked into the new school, with new teachers and new faces and never looked back! You teach me so many lessons being your mom, not just the usual like patience and unconditional love but mostly about facing fears and managing anxieties.

Even on days when you’re the most toddlery toddler ever and we’re dealing with rebellion, mischief, tantrums, and meltdowns, I’m completely obsessed with you. You’re a super duper mamas boy and I know a time will come when we should be less dependent on each other (in fact the time has probably come and gone) but I love our bond. We have our messy days and our messier days but the truth is that’s where the Magic is. Our magic is in the mess because we always come out the other side bruised but never broken and everyone knows bruises heal baby boy. Whenever you feel overwhelmed you always ask mama “to hold my hand” and I want you to know that I always will. Not just in the midst of meltdowns but in celebrations as well.

Today and every day I hope you feel all the love that’s poured into you daily from near and far. I pray you’ll always know how many people prayed for you. I have no doubt that after God made you for me our ancestors all prayed over you before you came through me 4 years ago and because of that you will be forever blessed and favored.

My biggest prayer for you remains the same Caleb Ashton, that you will always do your best and be your best even when nobody is watching, be mindful of your manners (Please and Thank you is not a trend), respect yourself first and foremost, be kind to people even if they aren’t kind to you. STAND up for what’s right. KNEEL down and pray when you’re not sure what that is.

Happy 4th birthday Angel baby!

With endless love,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s